| Location | Nottingham |
| Age | 0 |
| Cause of Death | Other Disease |
| Date of Birth | 02/02/2007 |
| Date of Death | 02/02/2007 |
| Visitors | 2,820 since 29/01/2009 |
| Creator |
I'll never forget the day we found out you were ill - Monday 25th September 2006 at 4pm. We felt
like our world had collapsed. The sonographer was taking ages then she went to get a second opinion
then said "It appears some of your baby's diaphragm is missing but don't worry - It's fixable". If
only it was that simple. I was then scanned every few weeks and you were given a 50/50 chance of
survival. At 39 weeks my blood pressure became too high so I was booked for an induction on 1st
Feb. At 2:30 the following morning my waters broke and you were born at 3:43am on Friday 2nd Feb
2007. Your eyes were closed, you were so very still and an awful grey colour - but I could see your
heart beating. You were soon taken off to the neonatal unit. Your Daddy went off to ring your
Mamma to tell her you had arrived and it was then that I felt the loneliest, most frightened I've
been in my life. The midwife took us to see you at 6:15am, the doctor looking after you said "I'm
afraid your Son is very, very ill". I looked at him and just knew he was telling us you were not
going to be with us for long. For the next 2 hours we sat and talked to you and stroked your hands
but at 8:15am I got an overwhelming feeling that I had to leave. Your Daddy agreed so we went to
get my things and I was transferred up onto the ward. I was placed next to 3 healthy, crying babies
and I was just about to go and ask if I could be moved as it was more than I could bear listening to
their cries, knowing I would probably never hear yours, when the neonatal nurse appeared around the
curtain and said you had taken a turn for the worse and I just knew that you had gone off with the
angels then Sweetheart. Sure enough when we got there the consultant said you were in cardiac
arrest and they had been working on you for 20 mins but you were not going to survive. We spent the
whole day with you Sweetheart and you looked so very peaceful, just like you had had a big milk feed
and enjoying a snooze after. You were buried 2 weeks later with lots of teddies, toy cars from your
big brother Christian and photo's of all your family. It never stopped raining the day you were put
into the Earth. After your post mortem (sorry you had to go through that Sweetheart but we needed
to know why you were so very poorly, more so than anyone expected) it was found that you had
bilateral diaphragmatic hernia which is very, very rare. None of the staff had ever seen a baby
with it before so you are so very special Sweetheart. Your lungs were less than a quarter of the
size of a term newborn so you had far too much to battle against. You were destined for the angels
all along. I know you are at peace now, no more suffering sweet baby, safely resting in your
Grandma Jordan's arms.
This is a poem composed for you by your Great Aunt Marion.
May these few words remember one so loved
Lift up your hearts, let your spirit be moved
Into that secret place within our souls
A place so protective against life's tolls
On moonbeams and rainbows from Heaven he came
Findlay Lucas was his given name
A boy so perfect in every way
Little we knew he couldn't stay
Look to the stars, see him play there
Playing in Heaven, Earth and everywhere
A gap in the clouds, see the sun's rays
become....
A playground slide where he happily plays
When placed in the earth from whence he came
Tears of a thousand angels fell as rain
Washing the grief of those attended
Hoping their hearts will soon be mended.
I Cried For You
You're beautiful so silently
It lies beneath a shade of blue
It struck me so violently
When I looked at you
But others pass, they never pause
To feel that magic in your hand
To me you're like a wild rose
They never understand why
I cried for you
When the sky cried for you
And when you went
I became a hopeless drifter
But this life was not for you
Though I learned from you
That beauty need only be a whisper
I'll cross the sea for a different world
With your treasure, a secret for me to hold
In many years they may forget
This love of ours or that we met
They may not know
How much you meant to me
I cried for you
And the sky cried for you
And when you went
I became a hopeless drifter
But this life was not for you
Though I learned from you
That beauty need only be a whisper
Without you now I see
How fragile the world can be
And I know you've gone away
But in my heart you'll always stay
I cried for you
When the sky cried for you
And when you went
I became a hopeless drifter
But this life was not for you
Though I learned from you
That beauty need only be a whisper
That beauty need only be a whisper.
Lyrics by Katie Melua
The Little Wave
The story is about a little wave, bobbing along in the ocean, having a grand old time. He's enjoying the wind and the fresh air – until he notices the other waves in front of him, crashing against the shore. “My God, this terrible,” the wave says. “Look what's going to happen to me!”
Then along comes another wave. It sees the first wave, looking grim, and it says to him: “Why do you look so sad?” The first wave says: “You don't understand! We're all going to crash! All of us waves are going to be nothing! Isn't it terrible?”
The second wave says: “No, you don't understand. You're not a wave; you're part of the ocean.”
Taken from the novel "Tuesdays With Morrie" by Mitch Albom.
Dream a Little Dream
Stars shining bright above you
night breezes seem to whisper
"I love you"
Birds singing in the sycamore tree;
Dream a little dream of me.
Say "nighty night" and kiss me
just hold me tight and tell me
you'll miss me.
While I'm alone and blue as can be;
Dream a little dream of me.
Stars fading but I linger on Dear
still craving your kiss
I'm longing to linger till dawn Dear
Just saying this:
Sweet dreams till sun beams find you
sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you.
But in your dreams whatever they be;
Dream a little dream of me.
Stars fading but I linger on Dear
still craving your kiss.
I'm longing to linger till dawn Dear
just saying this:
Sweet dreams till sun beams find you
sweet dreams that leave all worries far behind you.
But in your dreams whatever they be;
Dream a little dream of me.
Sweet dreams till sun beams find you
sweet dreams that leave our worries behind you.
But in your dreams whatever they be;
Dream a little dream of me.
Dream a little dream of me.(Lyrics by Mamas & Papas)
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Signs are fore those who struggle with their belief
But I know you believe in me and it softens your grief
I do not need to send a sign to show that I am close
Trust the feeling in your heart, it's a stronger sign than most.
Shopping Trip
As I peruse the aisles of the local store
I see things more differently than I ever have before
'Daddy's Little Angel' the embroidered bibs do read
But Daddy's angel is in Heaven and bibs he does not need.
He does not need a bottle, an outfit or a toy
Of buying those things for him we shall never know the joy
There are tiny jars of baby food that he will never eat
And shiny shoes with buckles that will never touch his feet
As the bikes and trikes taunt me from high up on the rack
Tears will break free from my eyes if I dare look back
I run off to the toilets to blow my nose and cry
I wipe my eyes, swallow hard and let out a sigh
I must go face the paper, pencils and wide rule
That my little angel will never use in school
I hurry past the greeting cards that the people choose with care
And I am reminded of the holidays we shall not share
In the checkout line I bow my head and heavy is my heart
For the family right in front of me has a newborn in their cart
Shopping in the local store used to be mundane
Now every aisle's full of items which remind me of my pain
So, quick as I can, I give the cashier the money from my purse
And hurry away from this previously known now foreign universe
I look like a normal shopper and others can never tell
Why what used to be so normal has become a personal hell.
Chose snow for your memorial page as 2nd Feb 2009 was worst snow we've had 4 yrs. Always snows around our birthdays baby, fancy being a Feb baby!!! We could have had joint parties, we would have had so much fun baby boy. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
She never got to say goodbye, to see the colour in his eyes, now he's in the dirt..........Too true Baby Boy, too bloody true..................................
Sometimes beginnings aren't so simple, sometimes goodbye's the only way.................Too true again......God how I wish things were so different you should be here with us. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
You cannot see or touch me
But I'm standing next to you.
Your tears will only hurt me,
Your sadness makes me blue.
Be brave and show a smiling face
Let not your grief show through.
I love you from a different place,
Yet I'm standing next to you.
Easter Eggs
If only our children were easter eggs
Hidden safely in the grass,
We could search for them and pick them up
And hold them in our grasp.
We’d have a heavenly easter egg hunt
All with baskets in our hands,
Searching with a broken heart
Only we could understand.
“Oh look, I found your child here!”
“Hey, did anyone find mine?”
They are so beautifully coloured
How they sparkle and they shine.
These aren’t your usual easter eggs
They each have their own special glow,
That comes from way down deep within
Only a grieving parent would know.
We gather up our special eggs
With excitement all around,
For the gift that we’ve been given
For the treasure we have found.
We all stare with wonderment
At our children that have died,
We want to hold them once again
And release them from inside.
But we all begin to realize
We’d have to crack their beautiful shell,
The one that makes them sparkle and glow
The one they have earned so well.
We can’t destroy their beauty
And take them from their magic place,
So we give them an understanding kiss
As the tears run down our face.
One by one we take our baskets
With our beautifully coloured eggs,
And place them gently in the grass
As we walk away with bowed heads.
We look back in amazement
As our eggs begin to sing,
We see them flutter and move about
“Look – our eggs all now have wings!”
Then the Golden Egg begins to speak
“Your children are safe with me,
You’ll be with them again when the time is right
Together for eternity.”
We stand there in a circle of love
As we look up to the sky,
Watching our radiant eggs take flight
Knowing our children didn’t die.
Happy Easter Findlay, and thank you and your Mummy so much for Joshua's Easter Egg gift - you are very sweet and kind! Wishing you and your family peace this Easter. Lots of love and God bless xxxxxxx
Dandelions from Heaven (A Mothers Day Poem)
Mothers Day is here again
And I wanted to send you a sign
Something you can tell others;
"It's from an angel of mine."
So I searched the heavens high and low
For that perfect thing
And low and behold I found it
And a smile I hope it will bring.
So when you look to the heavens
And see the yellow stars in the sky
Just think of me; your angel
In the heavens way up high.
And just imagine those stars
Are dandelions up above
Yes! Dandelions are also in heaven
Which you know how much I love.
So on this Mothers Day morning
When you awake and feel blue
You will notice those yellow stars
Are no longer in view.
So look to the fields and meadows
And the dandelions you will see
Are the ones that I've tossed down
This Mothers Day from me.
And when you find a dandelion
That has turned from yellow to white
You're supposed to make a wish
And then blow with all your might.
For you will be blowing kisses
To me in heaven above
And I will be catching them
And blowing them back sent with all my love.
Please know that I am with you
On this Mothers Day
And also in the days ahead
God and I will never stray.
We will be with you in the morning
When you awake and see the sun
We will be with you when you say your prayers
When the working day is done.
For God and I will never be
Very far from your side
For I can now be everywhere
And God will be your guide.
So remember when you see Dandelions
It is your guarantee
That I am always close to you
For dandelions are free
To roam now just like me!
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